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  • Ghost Writers on the Page

    • Posted on Jan 26, 2016
    Years ago, I wrote this parody of the old Vaughn Monroe/Sons of the Pioneers song, 'Ghost Riders in the Sky."  A great song deserves a parody, I figure, and here it is:

    Just posted on YouTube.   Great fun.  
    Go comment!
    Posted in
    • Language & Writing
    • Humor
  • Donald Trump for President

    • Posted on Aug 02, 2015
    Here's this morning's Courier column--my take on Donald Trump and why he 
    would make a great president.  

    Satire, anyone? 

     Universal agreement is as rare as humility these days, but lately seems to have emerged from pundits and politicians alike.   All agree: Trump will never serve as our 45th President. 

     No Air Force Trump/One.  No White House with “TRUMP” emblazoned above it in 20-foot neon letters.   No parade of Trump-ettes as First Ladies.   

     Even the GOP, not known for its rational and level-headed candidates, agrees that their party is not suicidal enough to nominate him.  

     He’s never held office, he has no real political allies, he doesn’t seem to know how to delegate, his power stems from wealth, not respect, they cluck.   

     Picky, picky, picky.  

     Come on, people.   Trump would make a great American President.  

     Why?  Let me count the ways: 

    (1) He’s the loudest candidate ever.  He doesn’t talk so much as bellow. A typical American, let’s face it.  Or rather, stereotypical. 

     Travelers in every country I’ve visited, and I’ve visited plenty, comment on how Americans raise noise levels.  I’ve noticed it myself. Enter around a quiet bistro in Paris, a sedate pub in London, a street corner in Munich, and if there’s a group of people shouting, laughing, hollering, and goofing off—who will they be?  Invariably, Americans. 

    We’re the world’s noisiest people, and Trump’s the loudest of all.  We deserve a President who’s more like us than we are.   

    (2) He shoots from the hip, or in his case, the lip.  Again, that’s America at its core:  shoot first, ask questions later.  

     The cowboy mentality is the most beloved and most common image of America we project, from the Marlboro man to Billy the Kid to Jesse James—outlaws and rogues all, and folk heroes to boot.  All action, no reflection.   

    They’re cousins to gangsters, another American type who provoke the world’s envy and anxiety—an unbeatable combination when it comes to grabbing headlines.  That’s where Trump usually resides.   

     A gangster cowboy President.  Yeeehaah.  

    (3) He’s richer than Croesus, the ancient billionaire Greek king who was eventually burned alive. 

     Never mind, that won’t happen to President Trump.  Americans admire wealth, they seek it, they consider themselves millionaires-in-waiting.  
    They’re sure that really smart people who work hard get rich. The richer they get, the smarter and more hard-working they must be.  Hence, they love Trump, and a Trump presidency would represent American wealth-worshippers perfectly.   

     How much is Trump worth?  Depends on who’s counting.  Trump says at least ten billion, whereas real accountants say fewer than three billion.  That’s still real wealth, no matter who’s counting.   

    (4) He answers to no one, thanks to his billions.    As his campaign proves, he can say whatever he wants, whenever he wants, to whomever he wants, and not worry about going broke or to jail.  Billionaires live in an ego bubble where everyone tells them what they want to hear.  Those who question him get bullied off his stage, immediately, with name-calling and semi-false assertions spoken as full truth.    

     We’d have a true bully-pulpit President.    

    (5) Finally, and the best reason:  Full-bore, all-out pride.  Donald Trump, without doubt, is probably the proudest Presidential candidate in history.  He trumpets his wealth, his accomplishments, his intelligence, his certainty that he’s right.   

     What a relief and contrast he presents to Obama, the diffident consensus-seeker. 
    That alone will make him attractive to Obama haters.  

     Of course some will object that pride means hubris, and that’s the deadliest of the Seven Deadly Sins.  Pooh-pooh. 

     Pride is what made America exceptional, and Trump’s pride will infuse America with a powerful national ego, a new insistence that we’re the best, the most, the richest, the smartest, the utter center of the universe.  

     If the GOP wakes up and actually nominates him, he’d likely win based on pride alone.   

     President Trump would then make America grate again.  
    Go comment!
    Posted in
    • Humor
    • satire
    • Politics
    • Hot Button Issues
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